Things that don't exist, but should

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This is essentially my Wishlist of Impossible Wishes. The following things should exist, and don't. The world would be a better place with all these awesome things, and I don't know how we get by without them. Crossed-out things actually do exist, to the best of my knowledge.

IPA Whatnots

  • IPA cookie cutters
  • IPA ice cube trays
  • IPA cereal
  • IPA scrabble
  • IPA magnetic poetry
  • IPA alphabet soup



  • A complete analysis of Turkic vowel harmony systems
  • A complete analysis of Turkic consonant dissociation
  • A complete diachronic account of every word in every language (where they come from originally—as far back as determinable—grouped by which patterns of change they underwent via which languages, etc etc)
  • A good English-Kazakh dictionary
  • A portable hand-held completely extensible and open-source digital dictionary for lexicography work
  • A comparative diachronic OT account of Portuguese and Russian, showing that this is why they sound similar to non-native speakers of either
  • A study on vowel harmony and other L1/L2 effects in typos


  • A site that compiles links to photos online with latitude, longitude, direction facing, and up/down angle, and creates a VR of the whole world. Favour given to photographs without people in them (or other temporary objects in the landscape), of course. Ooh, and have it accept pictures from different times, and you can do timelines of places :) On the right track?
  • Everything on my Projects page
  • mktristanknoweverythinghewants


  • XMLaTeX (well, Docbook?)
  • having bib items appear in bibliography even when not cited


  • Diachronic OT Phonology

Songs about…

  • Linguistics
    • Diachronic OT Phonology ;)
    • Some songs do exist, but they are few:
      • Insert links here, Aaron


  • A calendar with pictures I've taken on the date on which they were taken in previous years. (I don't think I could do a full calendar yet, but I'm kinda close, I guess. Some day…)