Things that don't exist, but should

This is essentially my Wishlist of Impossible Wishes. The following things should exist, and don't. The world would be a better place with all these awesome things, and I don't know how we get by without them. Crossed-out things actually do exist, to the best of my knowledge.

IPA Whatnots

• IPA cookie cutters
• IPA ice cube trays
• IPA cereal
• IPA scrabble
• IPA magnetic poetry
• IPA alphabet soup

Publications

• A complete analysis of Turkic vowel harmony systems
• A complete analysis of Turkic consonant dissociation
• A complete diachronic account of every word in every language (where they come from originally—as far back as determinable—grouped by which patterns of change they underwent via which languages, etc etc)
• A good English-Kazakh dictionary
• A portable hand-held completely extensible and open-source digital dictionary for lexicography work
• A comparative diachronic OT account of Portuguese and Russian, showing that this is why they sound similar to non-native speakers of either

Fields

• Diachronic OT Phonology